THIS COMICULA.COM WEBSITE END-USER LICENSE AGREEMENT, together with all EXHIBITS and APPENDICES hereto (hereinafter referred to as “CWELAgreement”), is made effective between THE INIMITABLE COMICULA.COM URL AND WEBSITE (hereafter referred to as “COMICULA”) and THE END-USER (henceforth referred to as “AFFERENT”) in regard to a license to USE (as defined herein) the COMICULA (as defined herein) upon the TERMS and CONDITIONS hereinafter set forth forthwith.
Please skim all of these, the following TERMS and CONDITIONS, carelessly and expeditiously, with all due vigor, prior to giving your tacit acceptance and perusing this WEB PRODUCT. Your USE, VISITATION, or DEFACEMENT of this copy of the COMICULA constitutes your acceptance of this LICENSE. If you DO NOT agree with the TERMS and CONDITIONS of this document, then DO NOT view the enclosed WEB PRODUCT.
After reading this CWELAgreement, AFFERENT shall understand that the text of said CWELAgreement will have no bearing on the GRANTED LICENSE.
DEFINITIONS
AFFERENT here means any individual or group of individuals found to be, charged with, or inherently culpable of the USE of the WEB PRODUCT COMICULA.
APPENDICES here means any small, vestigial gastrointestinal organs once or now and forever attached to an AFFERENT of the COMICULA WEB SITE.
COMMENT here means any mark, impression, thought, feeling, or utterance of any statement concerning any aspect of, or the accompanying materials of, the COMICULA.
DEFACEMENT here means any COMMENT left in a NON-COMMENT area of, any spurious or otherwise untruthful COMMENT towards, or any COMMENT about the reproduction, dissemination, and/or destruction of materials of, the COMICULA SITE.
EXHIBITS here means any display of a graphical and uncompromising nature, deemed to have artistic merit.
MARSUPIAL here means any of various non-placental mammals of the order Marsupialia, found principally in Australia and the Americas.
USE here means any consumption, by means of direct or transitive contact with, some or any of all the materials constituting the COMICULA WEB PRODUCT, though such medium or media as, but not limited to, visual, auditory, arithmetical, or common senses.
VISITATION here means any transmission, in whole or in part, through the ethereal medium (henceforth referred to as “ÆTHER”) filling the VOID between this world and the next, of any material part of, or alluding to, the COMICULA for extraterrestrial USE.
WEB PRODUCT here means software, data, image files, text files, markup files, links to files, data files, materials, and other wastes of personal time and bandwidth, received within your download of the COMICULA.
LICENSE GRANT
RIGHT TO USE
(a) Subject to this CWELAgreement, COMICULA grants the AFFERENT a non-exclusive, non-intelligible, non-expenses-paid LICENSE to USE and REMEMBER this WEB PRODUCT for PRODUCTIVE and NON-PRODUCTIVE USES for an age-dependent period, after which time AFFERENT will be required to FORGET EVERYTHING about the enclosed WEB PRODUCT, including this CWELAgreement. AFFERENT agrees that this LICENSE does not permit AFFERENT to: (i) USE the WEB PRODUCT for the indoctrination of a SECOND PARTY; or (ii) sublicense, or otherwise transfer, assign, or rent the WEB PRODUCT to a THIRD PARTY, without first assigning to COMICULA a pre-negotiated cut of THE ACTION.
(b) AFFERENT agrees to USE the WEB PRODUCT only on every COMPUTER SYSTEM under, nearby, or above their administrative jurisdiction (herewith referred to as “DESIGNATED “UNITS”"). If at any time the AFFERENT chooses to remove, intentionally or otherwise, the WEB PRODUCT from the DESIGNATED “UNITS”, the LICENSE granted for USE by the AFFERENT on said “UNIT” shall be considered REVOKED, until such time as AFFERENT has come to their senses.
(c) AFFERENT may transfer the USE of the WEB PRODUCT from one DESIGNATED “UNIT” to another at a LICENSED DESIGNATED “SITE”. Said transfer in no way constitutes a requirement upon one or the other DESIGNATED “UNIT”S to transfer either electrical or physical materials to the DESIGNATED “SITE”, and is meant only as SPOOKY LEGAL JARGON to chastise the unaware.
(d) Both (a) and (c).
(e) All of the above.
RIGHT TO VISITATION
VISITATION rights are hereby given to all AFFERENTS classified as: (i) ASTRONAUTS; (ii) NON-TERRESTRIAL LIFE FORMS; and (iii) FRIENDLY GHOSTS. Rights are explicitly denied to all MALICIOUS SPIRITS, under penalty of SECOND DEATH.
RIGHT TO USE BY AFFILIATES
AFFERENT AFFILIATES (hereon referred to as “AFFERENT AFFILIATES”) may USE the WEB PRODUCT, provided that prior to any AFFERENT AFFILIATES’ USE of the WEB PRODUCT: (i) each AFFERENT AFFILIATE shall sign, date, and deliver, to any party of their choosing, a mental or physical copy of their promise to abide by this CWELAgreement, if deemed appropriate by the AFFERENT; and (ii) such USE by the AFFERENT AFFILIATES shall be subject to the following: (A) AFFERENT accepts or denies responsibility for the acts or omissions of such AFFERENT AFFILIATES as if they were the AFFERENT’s acts or omissions; (B) AFFERENT shall indemnify COMICULA against losses or damages suffered by AFFERENT or AFFERENT AFFILIATES arising from USE of this WEB PRODUCT or breach of this CWELAgreement by any such AFFERENT AFFILIATES as if effected by AFFERENT.
RIGHT TO MAKE ARCHIVAL COPIES
(a) AFFERENT may make two (Ⅱ) copies of the WEB PRODUCT per USE for archival purposes, and such number of backup copies of the WEB PRODUCT consistent with AFFERENT’s normal periodic backup procedures.
(b) AFFERENT may reproduce or copy any portion of the WEB PRODUCT into machine-readable or printed form for only internal or external use, as prescribed by a qualified physician.
DELIVERY AND INSTALLATION
DELIVERY
The LICENSED number of copies of the WEB PRODUCT shall be delivered to AFFERENT’s DESIGNATED “UNITS” during the period specified hereto:
(a) AFFERENT shall initiate a COMMUNICATION REQUEST with the WEB PRODUCT SERVER(S) from a valid INTERNETWORKING BROWSER APPLICATION of their choice. AFFERENT shall provide the chosen SERVER(S) with the properly framed and formatted LICENSED URL.
(b) Upon validation of the LICENSED URL, SERVER(S) shall begin (at their sole discretion) the framing and formatting of the ascribed WEB PRODUCT materials into a PACKAGE suitable for transport on THE GLOBAL SYSTEM OF INTERNETWORK COMPUTERS (hereafter referred to as “THE MAGIC”).
(c) Upon completion by the SERVER(S) of the packaging of the specified WEB PRODUCT materials, the SERVER(S) shall in good faith address and ship said PACKAGE through THE MAGIC. Such a shipment shall in no way constitute or imply any form of binding contract or guarantee as regards the safe and timely arrival of said PACKAGE at the DESIGNATED “UNITS”. Should said PACKAGE fail to arrive within a pre-determined period of time, AFFERENT may initiate a supplementary RE-TRANSMISSION COMMUNICATION REQUEST.
(d) Upon receipt at the DESIGNATED “UNITS”, the valid INTERNETWORKING BROWSER APPLICATION shall validate said PACKAGE, unpack the delivered WEB PRODUCT, and respond to the SERVER(S) with a sincere THANK YOU COMMUNICATION ACKNOWLEDGMENT. At the sole discretion of the addressed SERVER(S), a YOU’RE WELCOME COMMUNICATION CONFIRMATION response may or may not be sent. Should said PACKAGE fail validation, either as a result of failure of an invalid INTERNETWORKING BROWSER APPLICATION, or as a result of a fault in THE MAGIC, AFFERENT may NOT initiate a supplementary RE-TRANSMISSION COMMUNICATION REQUEST, but must initiate a new COMMUNICATION REQUEST to the chosen SERVER(S). By express mandate, the chosen SERVER(S) are never at fault.
(e) Each COMMUNICATION REQUEST issued by the AFFERENT shall be restricted to a single access of the LICENSED URL, and may not occur at a time of not more than 0001-01-01T00:00:00 and not less than 9999-12-31T23:59:59, without the prior written notice and consent of COMICULA. Furthermore, AFFERENT shall be limited in the number of issuable COMMUNICATION REQUESTS to not more than six thousand four hundred fifty (ↁⅯⅭⅮⅬ) per kilosecond.
(f) The maximum number of AFFERENTS applicable to the LICENSE hereunder shall be specified as the maximum concurrent users possible on the physical medium of transmission under USE by the AFFERENTS.
(g) AFFERENT shall promptly provide detailed written notice to COMICULA of all consistent and independently-reproducible concurrent use exceeding the physical limitations of the transmission medium. AFFERENT cedes to COMICULA all rights to any notoriety, prizes, or scientific acclaim resulting from said USE.
AND INSTALLATION
AFFERENT shall be responsible for INSTALLATION of the WEB PRODUCT. AFFERENT shall be responsible for CONFIGURATION and INSTALLATION of any required disk storage systems, internetworking applications, or terminals prior to INSTALLATION of the WEB PRODUCT. INSTALLATION shall be deemed successful and complete when the WEB PRODUCT is loaded on a DESIGNATED “UNIT” and ready for USE.
This WEB PRODUCT is intended for LICENSED USE only and may be INSTALLED and USED only on DESIGNATED “UNITS”. The component parts of this WEB PRODUCT may not be separated for USE on more than DESIGNATED “UNITS”, and may not be combined for USE on less than DESIGNATED “UNITS”, without undue effort.
PRICE AND PAYMENT
Any AFFERENT that chooses, of their own free will, to USE or mis-USE the WEB PRODUCT shall pay THE PRICE. Any AFFERENT wishing to dispute or disparage this CWELAgreement shall pay THE PRICE. Any AFFERENT that attempts to USE the WEB PRODUCT on any other than the DESIGNATED “UNITS” shall pay THE PRICE. Any AFFERENT making vague or direct statements of threat in original or quoted material shall pay THE PRICE. THE PRICE does not negotiate with strangers.
Payment effective on notice of delivery.
TERM AND TERMINATION
TERM
This CWELAgreement and the LICENSE granted hereunder shall become effective on the effective date upon exception by both parties and shall continue in effect thereafter unless or until its TERMINATION, outlined below.
TERMINATION
This CWELAgreement and the LICENSE granted hereunder shall become ineffective on the ineffective date upon exception by both parties and shall continue without effect thereafter unless or until its TERM, outlined above.
ASSUMPTION OF RISK
RISK OF LOSS
AFFERENT accepts all risks and liabilities inherent in the potential or actual USE of the WEB PRODUCT. Potential imperilments include, but are not limited to, sudden and repeated esophageal and diaphragm contractions accompanied by vocal exhalation, boredom, ocular discharge, loss of time, loss of appetite, mental derangement, or otherwise “losing it”.
DEPRECATIONS OF WARRANTEE
If you have purchased a single copy of the WEB PRODUCT from a distributor, reseller, or any retail channel, you may return it, unused, within twenty nine (ⅩⅩⅠⅩ) days after purchase, for a refund of your payment, less any incidental charges. This 30-day WARRANTEE is applicable only to products bought within the period specified.
WARRANTEE covers defects in the WEB PRODUCT that promote successful INSTALLATION of the WEB PRODUCT on the DESIGNATED “UNITS”. WARRANTEE does not cover fitness of purpose, nor not meeting of expectations or needs in the mind of AFFERENT. In fact, COMICULA expressly denies either meeting the needs or expectations of AFFERENT or AFFERENT AFFILIATES.
This marks the full and complete extent of the expressed WARRANTEE. Anything after this is just so much gibberish used to fill space.
This WEB PRODUCT, all accompanying files, data and materials, are distributed AS IS and AS AVAILABLE with no WARRANTEE of any kind, whether expressed or implied, particularly ones written with WARRANTEE in all capital letters. The AFFERENT must assume all risk of using the WEB PRODUCT. This disclaimer of WARRANTEE constitutes an essential part of the agreement (unlike most of the things written here).
All risks to life, limb, or limerick are entered into without expectation of compensation. Full or partial dismemberment is neither expected nor condoned. Any liability shall be limited exclusively to refund of the price purchased. In addition, in no event shall the WEB PRODUCT be liable for any incidental, inconsequential, or putative damages whatsoever relating to USE of the WEB PRODUCT.
THIS marks the full and complete extent of the expressed WARRANTEE. Anything you might have read before the above disclosure is just so much gibberish used to fill space.
DISPUTES
Should any disputes arise, I will hunt you down and give you a peace of mind in more senses than one, so help me CWELAgreement!
Stalkings subject to availability, interest, and good weather. Void; wear prohibited.
IN CONCLUSION
This CWELAgreement constitutes the entire statement of the CWELAgreement between the parties on the subject of the matter of the subject matter, and both merges with and supersedes all other or prior understandings, agreements, and arrangements. Once you indicate your acceptance of these TERMS and CONDITIONS, you will be free to view the enclosed WEB PRODUCT for an undetermined time-limited period.
No text or binary files were mutilated unintentionally in the creation of this document.
REPUDIATION
(a) COMICULA hereby: (i) repudiates, in whole, the text of, and any association with, this CWELAgreement; and (ii) delegates all USE of the WEB PRODUCT to the GRANTED LICENSE.
(b) COMICULA hereby bestows thanks upon LEGALESE texts, and on the PRACTITIONERS OF LAW (here referred to as “LAWYERS”) responsible for said texts, without which much “humor” would be lost to the world (may they rot in peace).
some rights reserved.